your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
