Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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