dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
