called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
