A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
