When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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