Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The air was thick with penises
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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