White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You took a bar mat shot.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
