ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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