3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
