We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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