Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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