Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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