She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
