I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
