Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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