i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
