is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
