Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
