She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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