so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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