Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I've blown a few things in my day
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
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