I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
