my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
