part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
