david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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