He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
