Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize