If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
