I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
