Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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