I think I won the penis lottery.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
