wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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