so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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