I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
