The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
