i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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