I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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