She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
