It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
