I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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