Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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