i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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