You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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