Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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