Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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