I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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