and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
