Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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