Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
