Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
