At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
