I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
