The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
