Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
