I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
