i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
