the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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