I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
