I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
