I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
