I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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