I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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