People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
