You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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