totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
