Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
