I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We have started to decorate penises.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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