I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
