there's paper in my vomit.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
