if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
where does the pee come out of this thing
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
