i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
