I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
